its been a long time since i last posted.
This week im having AEM (Advance Elective Module). My course is Fundamentals of Hospitality & Tourism Business. I have to go to Temasek polytechnic for 1 whole week. I get to skip school but i dont want to skip school. I would rather attend the boring post exam activities with my friends. Because of this i am not able to make it for tha HIT/NCO course (luckily i nvr really do proposals). But looking at the brighter side, AEM is fun. I get to learn new things and go on excursions. I have to finish the AEM field study. details of AEM will be posted later.

today's post has three part the everyday life part and the depressing part 1 and 2.

Well the everyday life part. today had maths paper in the morning paper 1 and 2. it was f-ed up. I didnt complete it. Why must i get distracted at the wrong times. I got distracted for my eoys cause of some reasons. But nevermind just hoping to pass and move on to sec 4. If i was not distracted im already aiming for A1s and getting top 5 position in class (bloody hell). i dont think i can maintain 5th position.
after school went to play soccer with shafiq, qamarul, nabil and many more. I scored the opening goal. Baik cap! then while playing shafiq haron fell. he broken/fractured his arm. ouch. reminds me of the time that i fractured my wrist in primary school while playing soccer. but his is worst. sent him to the clinic near street soccer court. the doctor asked him to go straight to the hospital. so luqman called his father. while waiting for his father, nabil and me went for the obs medical checkup.im going obs again! Then his father came and brought him to the hospital. After the medical checkup qamarul nabil and syafiq asked me to follow them for jalan raye. finally someone asked. they were talking about the jalan raye for the whole week and alot of ppl were asked to come. they dont really ask me out or ask anything nowadays. i hope i can be close to them cause...

The second part of the post.
I know that u'll feel guilty sooner or later. if i were to be sadistic ill let u feel guilty. but im not really that sadistic. but im still a little bit. Joking joking. cause i know the hurting really hurts. and i dont want to feel the hurt anymore. im not the person who only care for myself and dont care about others ( its not about you, its about someone else). The reason why i write on my blog is cause i dont have anyone to talk to. i try talking to someone but he just take it for granted. whats important to him is only u know what, other than that he doesnt really care. just give me sometime. so lets move on and leave the past behind.

Im home. yes im home. Its kinda of weird being at home this early and not out with my friends. why ma i home? cause i dont really have any friends to go out with. I used to have two best friends. now i dont. im not talking to her cause i dont know why. actually i do but... but...(i dont really know how to explain or what i think is right). He is just... (pentingkan diri sendiri je). At leats the two of them have other friends to talk to. I dont. my other friends dont really talk to me or even ask me out. Then the others, i dont like what they are doing. Things that could get me into trouble.

Why is it like this? All i want now is to finish my Os and get into a new school and find new friends. cause things will be different and never the same. everyone is starting to ignore me. not include me in converstions. "u think when im with them they talk to me" I usually walk alone when they talk about things that they dont want me to hear. Just like last time with my best friends.

I dont like to jump to conclusion. i dont like to assume. i try not to believe what i see or think about it. cause i will end assuming alot of possibilities good or bad. i would like to calm down but things i saw just ignited me.

dulu korang degil . aku nak tolong korang buat bodoh. skarang dah macam gini, korang dah baik semula langsung tak peduli pasal aku. skarang ape aku cakap, aku buat, aku yang salah. ape-ape aku buat aku salah. Aku minta tolong kau buat bodoh. Aku tak tau ape nak buat lagi.



Yesterday went to perform at Tampines Changkat CC Hari Raya show with my "new dikir friends". This is my first major dikir barat performance. Thanks to all the seniors for training us. i know its hard but we all can do it. baik Panjy.

when i read and found out the truth i was shocked. I didn't know what to do and what to believe. I wasn't able to concentrate. I wasn't in control of my emotions. i was taken by surprise. I'm sorry for being angry. but i didn't know what to do. I took the whole weekend calming myself down. it work only for awhile. then i got all emotional again today. people start to ask as they notice and read. I dont know what to do. I really nid someone to talk to. but i dont know who. i tried talking to ppl but it was different they dont understand the situation. i nid to talk to someone which im close which knows the situation. all i can think of is a few ppl. one of them is you and another one of them is you. But obviously i can't talk to you. but the other you, its hard talking to you.

ARGHHH! im starting to lose my consciousness. when will this end?

Im sorry. Whatever i said may have hurt u. Cause I was not in control of my emotions, I was not thinking properly. I know its hard but can u forgive me? and i have forgiven you. Yes, i have forgiven you. Ikhlas tau. I realise getting angry wont solve anything. so can we be on talking terms? I hate it not talking to you. I hate talking to you through blogging. Can we just forget the past and just be friends. its up to you to forgive me or not. im not forcing.


Today after school went to play soccer. It was one way of calming myself down. By playing soccer i get to control my anger. cause if i play soccer angry ill just shoot the ball and the ball will fly everywhere. and i know taht i have calm down and totally focus is when i start scoring goals. yes, i scored a few goals. Thats the end of my goal draught. Yay me! and i managed to have one proper header to goal. but sadly the keeper saved. at least i scored a few. but my other skills are not on form.

2 occasions has woken me up. i got to learn all the truths and lies. I learn new things about life. i learn to pick myself up when i fall. I now realise what i had not realise then. I learn through experience. I am a person who give chances after chances. I dont react fast, i wait but i dont wait that long. Now i know my mistakes, i know what is worth it what is not. i know what is redundant what is not. i used to forget and forgive. but now i forgive and not forget. Im now moving on. not stuck at the the end. breaking the wall in front of me. i learn a thing or two about people and about life. one of it is 'trust'. its not something u earn its either u trust that person or u never will trust that person. I used to trust ppl alot giving them the benefit of the doubt. now im learning not to trust that easily. because ppl have wasted my trust. about doing good and get good result. Ure right its not happening to me. im doing too much good. sometimes being bad, being selfish is better. i dont know the word 'friendship'. friendship goes to waste. dont pity me for being alone. its not about being alone its how i was treated. so pls dont be good in front of me cause if u dont like it u dont like it. so dont act. i hate actors. i have woken up from my dreams. so now im moving forward never looking back.

wow. The truth hurts doesn't it? It's ok Im fine. Isn't it better if u could have told me earlier. You want it this way fine by me. so now were just friends. I dont like the awkwardness but if its suppose to be like that then fine. Things that others cannot know will still be kept with me. thats my last promise to u. When we have to be professional we be professional. So this is how it ends. All the best to you.

All i have to do now is tie up the loose ends with my other friends (thats hard). I have kind of lost their trust but ill try to get back with them.

thats all. i live a sad sad life